When you have as “big” a herb garden as I do – and when you’re not entirely sure what is in that herb garden … well, what I mean is you’re not entirely sure what is what until it has grown big, strong and very fragrant – you need a way of telling what is what!

Remember these

I really liked those – and when I commissioned my daughter and her good friend to do me some “herb sticks” that was honestly what I thought they would (kind of!) bring back …

But I was in for a surprise because this is what they did

Parsley

Onions

Sage

Dill

Rosemary

Chives

Cute, non?

you know that saying?

So much to do … So little time!

I swear I try – I try and I hope and I wish to be in my studio but life keeps getting in the way and other stuff needs doing – and then other stuff becomes fun and then I want to finish it and then I want to do more of it … it is a vicious circle – or more of a happy circle given the fact that most of what gets in the way is something I enjoy doing!

Gardening …

I am known for my garden-loath (that is a word I am sure I just made up!) … I really do not like gardening – but then something happened this week. Something I always forget can happen – even to me … I e n j o y e d myself in the garden … I had fun out there and who would have ever thought!

It started out with the herb garden – I wanted to make sure I got it done this year so I decided early on last week that I’d plant it this weekend. And for once my plans worked out

and then I don’t know what happened – but 9 hours … NINE whole hours went by and by the end I had torn down a vine, dug out plants we never liked and planted wonderful strawberries AND rhubarb – and some edible flowers that I cannot remember the name of!

Oh and then we tore down the ugly (very very ugly!) fence around our pool – this worries me slightly but I am hoping I’ll get used to it … our garden looks very different from Saturday morning when I gently started planting some rosemary … it is like the Michelin man of gardens came by …

What’s his name again?

I’m quiet …

If you’ve been checking in on me you’ll have found nothing much has been said by me for days – just silence …

But in my head – not so much!

I’m thinking and thinking and thinking.

Thing is … on Thursday I received my “Art Doll Quarterly” which is always a joy.

I really enjoy looking at other people’s work – but this particular magazine wasn’t as inspiring as others before it.

I was left questioning myself – a lot!

The thing is – when I started this blog a big part of it was to journal my acceptance that I am indeed an artist.

However, it is evident that recurring thoughts keeps pulling me down – or at least it tries to interfere with my enjoyment, my confidence and therefore my belief in myself as an artist.

What I’m struggling with at the moment is this – I know that I am really really good at copying – I was really good at copying cakes from Debbie Brown, all with her knowledge, accept and encouragement (I wrote to her very early on while on my cake-ride!) and it took a fair bit of time before I ventured out on my own.

And even when I did venture out … it was on orders from people “I’d really like my son to have an airplane cake” – or “my husband loves to brew his own beer” or “The theme is “forget-me-not”" … and I’d think it over for a few days and come up with how to do the cake.

OK – back to the magazine and what happened as I read it – I realized that all the artists featured had to have come up with these art pieces all on their own.

Out of the blue …

Not copying anyone …

Original pieces …

I just wanted to play emu (hide my head in the sand) … I wanted to pack up my “studio” and forget all about being an artist because I just do not know how to do what these guys do.

I’d love to have a piece in that magazine. Something that I had done, thought up all by myself and something the world had never seen before – but I do not know how?

I honestly do not know how to get from taking these great lessons from Marilyn where all I do is copying to becoming me and my own stuff.

My brain is not at all full of hundreds of different ideas – not at all. It is not like I have sculpted heads hidden in my hands – well … that might not be true but I certainly haven’t thought them up and therefore have no idea on how to make them?

When I signed up for the course with Kate Church she told us that she will not be showing us a specific doll that we’ll have to recreate/copy – instead we have to bring an idea on what we want to do – something we have thought about, something that we’d like to do and then she’ll help us “find” the doll – but bottom line is that I have to come up with the idea …

This terrifies me and I just don’t know if I can do it – only time will tell on this one – maybe I’ll come home empty-handed from that workshop?

I’m thinking … thinking … thinking …

And then yesterday I was skyping with my lovely and very supportive bonus-mum who reminded me of the Kitchen Witch … that Miss Kitchy was all mine. That no one told me how to do her, or how once I thought of her I had to make her. It was all me, sitting here, reading a magazine, thinking a thought – and then I was on a roll and excited for a while there – and she was the one who led me on the road to finding Marilyn and now Kate … and I left her … sitting all the way to the back of the table, half-dressed – all alone … forgotten while Gemini and Pandora took over my life.

I’m thinking I might give her another chance. Step back a little and just spend a little time remembering that I am me – I am not just a copy-cat.

I will find my own road, there is room for me – I will learn to find inspiration and come up with my own stuff.

Maybe it is time that I spend a bit of time on Miss Kitchy – just so that I can knock that little devil on the head when he pops up to say “you cannot think up anything original” – I can then tell him “bugger off – I thought up Miss Kitchy, I made her all mine and she is perfect!”.

I’ll let you know how it goes!